One adoptive mom shares the reason why she purchases two extra Mother's Day cards every year. Jill Robbins wrote a Facebook post in late April about her Mother’s Day tradition. She has three children, two of which are adopted, and she buys 2 extra cards for their birth mothers.
Jill shared a photo of the cards to Social Media with the caption:
So, Mother's Day cards are popping up in the stores and I sort of have this secret.
I buy two extra cards each Mother's Day.
I have three kids - my two sons are adopted from China and my daughter...well, she came into the family the regular way.
I write my sons' birth mothers (yes, there are two different birth moms) a card every year. I've done this every year that we've had them. I write little snippets of what they've done and accomplished every year, what their challenges and accomplishments have been.
I write these notes during my quiet time, after everyone else is in bed. I re-read my words and then I seal the cards.
And then I put them away in a shoebox that sits on my closet shelf because I don't know what else to do with them.
I don't have any place to mail these cards, you see.
There's no such thing as an "open Chinese adoption." There are laws in China that prohibit a mother from making an adoption plan AKA giving a baby up for adoption.
The children are "abandonded." When they are they are found they areentered in to the social welfare system. They're made available for adoption and that's the part where we come in. We fly halfway around the world, after completing a bazillion pieces of paperwork. We become their parents. We love them fiercely.
But there is a lack of history, the absence of a past.
I know my boys' birth mothers waited and watched until their babies were taken to safety. I KNOW. I just do.
I know they loved these children and I know their actions were something they deemed necessary. I don't need to know the reasons. Their motives don't need to pass any sort of litmus test with me.
I have a pretty happy life. I don't want for much, but if I could have one wish I would want my boys' birth mothers to know the babies they carried are safe and loved. Cherished. Thriving. Part of a family.
So, I buy those cards every year. I write in them. Somewhere on the other side of the world there are two women who would probably give anything to get them.
These women wonder where their babies are, I know they do. Although I don't know the circumstances that led to their decisions, I do wish them peace. I wish they could receive these cards I write every Mother's Day. I wish they knew their babies were safe and loved. Cherished. Thriving.
I write these cards for me. I hold them against my chest before putting them in a shoebox that sits on my closet shelf and I squeeze my eyes shut and I wish so hard that these women who gave me the gifts of my boys can know how much I cherish them.
Adoption is complicated. You might know someone who is a mom through adoption. You might know someone who has made an adoption plan...AKA given up their child for adoption.
Hug all those mamas. Hug them tight. No matter how you slice it, mamas do hard things.
I've shared this secret of mine in the hopes that someone that is out there hurting or searching will read my words and realize how important they are. Maybe another mama like me will realize that she's not alone in those reflective moments she had about her kids' birth mothers.
I buy two extra cards each Mother's Day.